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Friday, June 26, 2009

This is a 3 D Emergency which can only be handled multi dimensionally.

Bringers of the Dawn

adding this q december 11 2010 + dec 12 745 am pst

-Merlin's BROTHER
They sat with their backs touching, hardly ever did they have their talks face to face
they would lean into each others backs feeling secure

It was like they were captured in a sheet of glass. She would say look at this pattern and he would look. Both looking at the same thing. Both seeing completely different aspects.

That can be a good thing-in a strategic way- but it can hinder the way forward when discounting the other because each sees a different bend in the prism.

She had rescued him in this realm where they meet. He has been walled off from his knowledge. He had been a wizard and in her mind he still is. He was her teacher and now he has forgotten .
That almost got him killed/

In the third dimension, she works at the main grocery store on the west coast in Seaside, Oregon. . She lives ten miles down the road from the store. In a little cabin across the street from the edge of the North American continent. .
She, if you met her, would not strike you unless you kind of were a bit confused after she gave you your change. She has dark curly hair..Frizzy and wild when it got humid. Not so bad on the west coast. Another plus..

She has a hard time feeling normal in the day to day world. "Why does it seem so impossible in the solid world where I'm supposed to live?." She would ask in a desperate sounding prayer.

In her mist state she knows that there are lots of others and she watches as ' the powers that be' test the fortitude of their souls with temptations and while chemically altering the ability for people to think with food and water additives. They have succeeded in blocking the ability to see. Rules of thought are enforced on an energetic genetic level. We all have been programmed against what our souls know to be true. With blocked pituitary and pineal we function using only an edge of our potential. the talented up swallowed up with “misinformation”. She would call them 'Lies!', So many amazing souls in suspended animation. She sees them frozen – like in Austin Powers when his Mojo was stolen.
“It has been stolen”, she would tell you, if she thought you would understand, She slips information about these realms to people if she thinks they might be activated in some way. She plays if she is in the mood. If she's not morose. Feeling like Atlas, in an immature, self absorbed, whiny sort of way. Like she was still fifteen or three, Her mantra, then , is "nobody understands me"
At other times and in the other realms she commands. “Our hour upon the stage” her only memorized quote.

She has learned to be secretive.
"Its like straddling stars" she tried to explain to her best friend. Her friend looked at her like she was crazy and didn't talk to her for six months.

In another realm that she doesn't know the reference to, but calls it the Library, One of the realms where she meets him.
LIBRARY . [In the Library- she can look from a neutral standpoint at the swirls and the patterns of humanity on Earth. Wars could be called a metallic imbalance. like a day in the life of God. Epochs can go by like clouds. A sweep of the hand.
She is trying to explain this to him who he is. They are in the library now. in the library now
"And then we squish ourselves into this time, this place and into our bodies An impossible feat but we do it
The wounds from the past in our Lives and journeys - are the portals that 'THEY' have used to confound and wall us off from the wild creative message of our soul
our souls reel away; Off to another galaxy while in this life we live miniature, domesticated lives, taught to sit still. Our density makes it almost impossible for the soul to interact with the physical. This is by design, we are not even on t par with their pets.
"We are meat to them. See?"

He has been dealing with those she calls "THEM" for a few decades and has been embedded - within and without. He now has a choice.
The hero's journey.

As soon as she realized that they sit back to back when in conversation, it switched. She was in a red crushed velvet evening gown as his sentry. They danced before he had to go. Now they speak with their foreheads together, without uttering a word aloud, they understand each other in the crystalline patterns of their brain waves.
"Odd" he thought, In waking consciousness he doesn't remember. Only a vague sense of relief and gathering his energy back. He had been on the brink of leaving the planet, with a flag draped over his casket.

His wife shattered and splintered with despair. She has also been under a mountain of energetic attacks. She tries to keep the happy face when she cringes in embarrassment and worry. She can't leave now. He is at the pinnacle of his career. A world famous actor. A household name. Everyone loves him except for the media which runs after him and records every word he says, twisting it in an unrecognizable way so he looks like a fool.

His closest friend and confidant is under an even more massive attack. He is a famous basketball player, who forgets that he can't speak his mind under any circumstances. He did. He was mad about the security check when he was flying last week. The media then had a girl of eighteen say that he took her to his hotel room and held her against her will and raped her. He had never noticed the girl before. His wife left him over it. There was supposedly video of the eighteen year old going into his room.

They are in the Stones and Mist.
She is trying to explain to him so he'll remember something. “It feels impossible!” she thinks. The day is drizzly and cold. “Oh China? Or was it Russia the fall of the czar the crazy grab for power? It was like ant fights. Red ants, green ants, black ants. All put together to fight for sugar. Poison sugar. That was Russia. There, a most beautiful city, turned into a heap of worthless junk self leveling. Sad. War chests grew. The Elite puff their chests, “Look how powerful we are. We can make them do that to each other while we grow rich and fat and perverse in our rituals.” He doesn't remember, yet. She thinks it's like he's senile. Most every one around her is “Senile” she thought.

“OK” she said to him. He was mad because she had been telling people about him. She said, “It's fiction, nobody believes it unless they already know. And if they know, then they are allies. So whats the big deal?” He muttered trying to figure out what she just said.
Astrid looked at him. Trying to formulate the right question so she could proceed, “Do you remember “Highlander' , the TV show? 'There can be only One.'? “ He looked up. “Yeah” he rm

“Only 'there can be only one' means 'all of us - together” she said, with a question at the end, searching his eyes for understanding. A glimmer. Small. But a glimmer.

She sees the blue orbs Helpers are on the edge of the veil. . He is allowing some communication but his waking mind, ruled still by the ego, captures Agitates the fear, like dirty bubbles it froths into anger at the grief beneath the surface of his waking world. How can he straddle the change and still be in the game? His mind can't figure it out on the level he is trying to find the solution in. She feels like she is playing quidich. In a Harry Potter novel. She aims again while avoiding energetic attacks. “ You gotta dream it up first. Then ask. Release. “ “I don't know how to explain it and you are pissing me off . I can't do this today “ she yells as if she wants to spank God for trying to get her to formulate her knowing into words. She would rather just float with it without words.
She's wanting a whip, snap. Getmup moveem out. Rawhide.
In 3DShe gets out of her chair where she had been Meditating or what ever . She figures most would say its a day dream OK she thought,”A daydream meditation.” “What the Hell?” “ Him again.” “Why was I so mad at him?”

Then he went missing. She made an effort not to conjure him and it was like a vacation.
Then the world seemed like it was breaking apart for her . Car, dishwasher and oven. She wonders why at certain times things came in intense waves Then she looks at the moonlight on the water. A storm was brewing. The seagulls were in the field.

Feeling the collective shiver she wrapped a blanket tight around her shoulders.. Sleep. Slumber Cold Water. She looked out to the moonlight on the waves. Like a broken path the moonlight beckoned. A siren in the rocks. Away away. She took a breath . She had to go to work at the Ruby Shore Grocery. She couldn't think bigger today. She had to deal with people. She was feeling flinchy and really sensitive. .

Once she got to the store. She was kind of glad to see everyone who worked there. Ahh, they bought her a birthday card. She had forgotten that it was her own birthday. Geeze.

Work brought her back to Earth. She felt like she had to appear normal. Not gasp when she felt a bolt of energy wham her in the gut. Not turn around every time she felt someones gaze. She couldn't talk about feeling like she was always underwater with currents and jetties flowing past and through her. She couldn't talk about her assignment in the other realms. Work was good structure. She had to learn to manage the public force, Pretend like she and everyone else was normal. "Thems the rules" she thought.

She was practicing looking at people without trying to fix them. You know, someone with a limp and she felt bad for them.

She was angry at every one who thought she was weird that she wanted to go home 'alone ' on her birthday,. No, she didn't want to go out to eat. She wanted to be alone. If she admitted it she always wanted to be alone. Kind of odd, she thought. but she liked a few deep connection – they scared her – so mostly she liked her relationships to be non committal or some would say to be superficial, except with a few people that she trusted her life with she was suspicious that she would get hurt deeply. So she ran instead of standing like a flower with a smile. She would scowl at a man she was attracted to and then get animated with men she just knew. She z wondered if she would ever get over that? Someone would have to see her gig in order to love her. That she knew. And so far she hadn't felt safe enough or kindred enough, She liked the freedom of aloneness and wondered if she could absorb another into her life. She'd done it before and had battle scars and bruises still. Aimed at her heart, Yes, it had been broken and No it did not mend. Remnants of ripped flesh is how she still feels. She doesn't understand how she could pray and pray and pray with no remark or sign or angels. Only desolation. So she moved West. As far west as she could.

She loved it in Seaside. She had a cat, Whiskers. He came with the cabin. The women had died leaving the cabin and the cat, to be sold fast to give her only son the cash. Astrid felt she had lucked out with it and was glad to have a cat, finally. She figured out her desolation brought her there and that was good - even great. She loved watching the waves the pelicans and gulls surfing on the wind above the waves. She felt a force there. It made her feel sane for the first time in her life. Let the story begin.......
the different dimensions were confusing to her “Whats a dream?”, she often pondered. When Astrid was a child she would vividly see herself in different dreams where she was an adult, with power. Different stories. Different lives. So now in this world,other worlds and other stories are bleeding into her third dimensional living. She would stiffly sit there, trying not to say that it felt like the Earth suddenly dropped a foot. Or that she felt like there were bats flying at her. She thought, “This is nuts!”. She worried sometimes. Her brother had been institutionalized. Not what she ever wanted. Drugging you to make you 'normal' and mute. She would say nothing.
Misunderstood because she misunderstood herself.
She and everyone she knew felt unworthy and a haunting unexplainable feeling of being a fraud.

In the other realm, the realm that she hung out with Jim in, she tried to quit. Jim had been so thick that she wanted to mutilate some part of him and felt her anger was inappropriate in a dangerous way. Her bosses, what you might call angelic presences and teachers suggested in a strong way that she had to stay with him no matter how much he resisted. “ Its not about him. He hasn't realized that yet” , they said. “ He needs to be reminded of this”
Astrid saw a scroll in her mind. They handed it to her. There was light coming out of it and when she looked at the seal it had emerald gold, and all sorts of jewels embedded in it in it. She couldn't make out the shape. Like a mandala or map? It seemed to be both.

When she looked at the scroll suspended in front of her, she noted the seal jewels made an ever changing symbol that she couldn't grasp in her mind. At first glance she saw two scrolls but when she reached out she realized that it was one scroll. She hesitated. The choice; she knew that all the paths were infinite but really for her, there was only one choice. One Path. Her assignment, though impossible and with little renumeration, It was her only choice.
Her fingures wrapped around the scroll instantly electrifying colors splashed lik fireworks through her whole body.
She realixed that she was clotheed in a deep velvet green cloak tha had a clasp similar to the seal on the scroll.

She decided to conjure her offense and defensive lines before her. First her teachers and Angelic forces which included all of the Archangels that she knew the names of, two dragons a Green and a Blue on her flanks. The Red and Gold high above. And then she called upon the heroes of Earth and the ones who have suffered, because of the hand of the old rule,.forward for the trial. Then she called for Jim. "Jim" she called. "JImmy" He wasn't answering. She felt almost guilty as she threw some second chakra bate for him and thought of a deep love, that she has, but doesn't quite understand,
She felt an answer from what felt like very far away. A voice said< :Wait" "it is not yet time"

While she waited, her meditation portal was transformed into a Jewelled temple. With indescribable light. Dolphins swimming in the channels. Crystals that had doors. She noticed that she had a shofar that she immediately set to her lips and blew with might, resonating with the crystals, the sound could be seen by her moving through the Earth - which was in holographic form- before her. Jim appeared. He had a white robe on with its hood up. They had been having a massage and a steam bath at Basketball Jone's home. Basketball Jones was with him. They both looked surprised. Basketball Jones asked Jim "What did you put in that drink?" He stood holding a towel around his waste.. "Shit!" she muttered when she opened her eyes. She thought of Alice in Wonderland..

"I am not in the flow for this at all I want to write with wings and not be tethered" Astrid wrote in her journal when she got home from the Grocery. . I am writing a list instead of a story. I need to mature in my writing. ahgghghg-

EMergent see

Scored into our Genes is fear folded into instinct - not to question or we will be eliminated. WE-at this time have to let go of the strands of coding that keep us in fear and IS the method of control We have got to dive into the past which is present make our own stories make our stories all the while acknowledging the truth about the past thus creating a new future where we are trained to be who we are instead of cloaking it in armor and lies

Monday, June 22, 2009

invisible trails

I don't know why flipping the bird has a sence of power
even though the pilots can't see me
even though they don't know they will be killing their own children by toxic poisons
seven generations
I am trying to balance my thinking
I try not to see
the jets that are almost invisible in the metalic tinged air
today they spray the white trail that quickly dissipates to the metallic cast
that most people don't notice
two passes and then I came inside to fight my sence of hoplessness with words.
Words that stay unoticed but still seem to be my best way to float up to the surface
for a breath
instead of sinking to the bottom of the chasm. I write hoping that in some slight way
it helps.

christmas 2011 decided that Jack' or mom's family or friends could read the following :
I wrote last week sunday before Christmas
my mom's husband jack is not my step father
Park is. I am trying to trust Jack as I always have tried. Mom's almost been married to him for ten years. He cheered when I said that SOPA would make it so people like me could get arrested for speaking out by using arbitrary laws enacted by laws like the Senate and congress plotting on today......Jack literally stood up and cheered. I was astonished. My mom shushed him. He utterly controls my mom's money. He told us that he is using the money that my mom put into his house to pay for the improvements on this house. Other than that our early Christmas was great. Nephew Brandon is a ballast. I love my Mom
2011 I support and love jack he just has a sneaky air about him that makes me suspicious of him 50 percent of the time. I talk myself out of it the other times.

Saturday, June 20, 2009


How does a sane person
look at the sky?

Depleted uranium
sprayed on our heads
What would a sane person do?
But fall on her knees and pray
to all the Lords and Ladies
to look at what they do.
In deep denial of their only defense
Their strength and their glory
the courage to be unafraid
to separate from the means
of control: Fear and hypnosis
when humanity should know better by now and we should be waking up
because death for many and maybe all
has its hot breath on our shoulders
because we believe the lies
because we refuse to take our hands from our eyes.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Circle the Wagons

Dear Senate Leader Reid,
I hear you were a golden glove boxer. You must have had courage at that time. now you seem to be aiding and abetting the corruption in Washington DC.
Why can the Republicans just threaten filibuster and you quake like a abandoned child? You don't make them stand and talk for hours and hours but if a Democrat filibusters you make them. Why? Are you sure that you are a Democrat or are you a Corporatist cloaked as a servant of the people, when your real masters are the Lobbyists? We need change. I would like to see you retire your leadership or get some golden cajones.

I wrote the following to the Chairman of the Finance Committee,
Senator Baucus. :

I am horrified by the amount of pressure that the Senators are under, that has caused you to say that 'single payer system is not on the table'.
I thought bribery and blackmail was illegal! It seems that rot is at the core of the way DC does business.. In Washington State, car insurance is mandated and it is getting to be unaffordable. The way it sounds is that the finance committee is setting us up for something that is written by those companies that have been the cause of the health care crisis. I firmly believe that this issue will be a barometer on who is corrupt and who isn't.
You all know what would benefit the majority of your constituents but are swayed by the bribery and blackmail entrenched in Washington DC. If we do not have Public Option in the health care Bill you will have failed us(we the people) and will have shown every American that you and your ilk have succumbed to corruption. You will have the fight of your life to be re-elected for anything. Oh, I guess that won't matter because you can always become a lobbyist.
I pray that you will become a man of courage and morals and will circle the wagons, let the Republicans and Lobbyists have hissy fits while the Democrats stand tall and proud for standing up for the American people.

Sincerely, Nancy Brickman.