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Saturday, December 31, 2011

Main Stream Media =why they want to shut down the internet

China style
=blazing light.

enough of the negative-

MEIN kAMPF scholars
their Media Control states:
The great masses of the people will more easily fall victim to a big lie than to a small one.
Adolf Hitler

ie christmas bomber/ NSA strip search exploration
911 Patriot Act
etc etc etc

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Uranus -says-


could it be a robin hood story?
as South Park so aptly put it - the 'subtext'

We all like a good story - the cliff hanging drama- surprise in a twist- threads of similarities of good story. The bad guys always get caught in the story that I was told-
I think I will keep telling that story - even when it seems like the evil doers are ruling the day. It is within my own matrix to heal me first. Its never the end-.we bow - transformation

casn't help think of Keith ledger as the Joker - .who would Lee be/? the Avenger? A Dead King called - a story to tell.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Noel -

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Friday, December 23, 2011

change treaty

Monday, December 19, 2011

1994 Darkside of the Moon

the moon is conjuct My Natal Neptune w/ saturn visit


I have lost track of my step family

I can't find the early roof-top version of the darkside of the moon. My favorite.

cogs in my heart and mind wheels upon wheels

Sacred Circles within
me- I prefer to be alone-I think
at least half the time so I can play in other strings of information
in my mind
I am made to get this down
Introduce it to the masses
that is my task
that is at hand
but then there has been a buy out
of our souls we suck on our binkies instead of being heroes all.

All the members of the band can be broken down into archetypal roles
the flags symbols touching into the collective hidden knowledge
the knowledge that was stolen
the knowledge tthat we need awakened.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Saturday, December 10, 2011


Lunar Full Eclipse this morning

Friday, December 9, 2011

the mice ran up the clock...

Iiii think that I have spent my entire life trying to avoid my body. Interesting - I am watching 'Down to the River to Pray" From ': oh brother Where art Thou' Just noticing for the first time that they walk in the crowd to the river. I've watched the video many times. and I posted it on this blog once. under the Anti piracy act will I be a criminal. Will this place be a place where you step out of line free speech wise and they will selectively bust you for laws they pulled out of their....pocket book> can anyone say they want to live in China? the way Chinese government controls - we are being set up for this... and we remain hypnotized tick tock little boys...tick tock...

I would add, Religious Freedom

So the senate and congress passed the Defense Bill that allows the Federal Government to call someone a terrorist- a us citizen caught in the US and detain them indefinitely and there is another bill that will give the Attorney General the ability to shut down websites (internet anti piracy act)at will. I call it crapping on that "paper" the Constitution - and I wonder if Obama is a cloaked Police State Promoter? We are a breath away from a crackdown. What are "they' so scared of?. I am trying not to be upset about the the US racing towards a electrified barbwire fence for its people who say no to this.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Mineshaft! the air smells like plastic



Wednesday, December 7, 2011

The End of the Internet as we Know it.

deleted a message for
milk girl .

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Uranus trine in my age group

A Strong Ally
The Spiral spins

ADDED DEC. 6, 2011
i SHOULD BE doing 'things'
HE IS AGAINST ASTROLOGY AS are the current translations of most Bibles. but then the wisemen followed the star...

I have an ongoing argument with Ernest Holmes (in my head) about astrology and archetypal forces of the upper forth dimension and beyond. These energies are well described in Astrology and Hindu Buddhist and Christian Religions I have never really studied Islam but their Mosques tell me they are deep into the mysteries - the energy concentrations. Maybe Holmes would say that archetypal Energies are agreed upon thought forms that have coagulated until they have become seemingly real. Maybe. ? but the Archetypes would say that they are real and conscious and palpable. what is real? Saturn is shaking hands with my natal Neptune, Uranus is strumming a web of planetary squares and trines. Wave upon wave of emotions are storming thru my body today. I hardly can speak without them voicing shrill.
Then the classic "It's Hormones coursing thru your body" maybe? I am not sure of much today.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Alice again

I'm studying the writings of Ernest Holmes - metaphysical Christian Writings, Mystic Writings,,, I agree with him . I believe that every atom and beyond is a universe within itself and there fore has consciousness and is a hologram of the One I Am We are all built for co operation but have been programmed to fear... Ernest Holmes is teaching me to be aware of my thoughts. reactions... whose thoughts am I thinking if I watch TV or listen to the radio? Whose paying and what do they want? Power in a suction parasitically way instead of a support way where its all a dance of cooperation in the Natural world. One of creation - unlimited or contraction, division. Whats the choice? There is no choice unless you're bound for Hell. thats the choice.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Little Flower

Floating next to my ear
a little flower
It is a disguise for some of the most foreboding energies I have had to deal with.
Big energy wrinkled and monstrous. They are looking at me with a curiosity
as I argue that they have no domain in this sphere of my life on this planet- Earth.

The great deceivers of Humanity- they grumble and fret; Where will they be welcomed if they don't make the shift? They have no place but Hell to go - because everywhere else in the Multi-verse says stay away - infected ones.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

No sound - I still laughed

Testimony of a Bad Man


Some might say that I am here to bring the light
Out of the darkness
it springs

If we get down to the soul -now that I am dead- I chose darkness because of a cowardice that crept into my life at a young age

The wound was deep
thousands of miles in a mind shaft I fell
as I was pushed to perform
The smiles were for the others
She wouldn't smile unless others were looking at her. A wooden crazed smile I see today In my memory
I ask this night If memories are really real or are they like dreams? I am dead now. At least I find myself reflecting on that body which lays in a filtered Haze Why? neutrality.a golden shirt memory. a happy time when I was ten. The rest a torture of structure, unflinching demands.

I have a memory of looking in the mirror and seeing her teeth - not in joy but in hunger to draw blood from me. Her fangs, Me cruel like her, how else could I survive? Deep down I knew I had to become her system, Her as a male only bigger. On a global scale. A thirst to be the only one who can do anything to anybody. Feeding on fear I was carnivorous only now do I understand its folly. Only now do I feel my dear friends shriveled bodies= those who I called my enemy I know now were my teachers, my healers, my community I let them die for my thirst for power over all things. Only now do I know the folly of the lie . the reflective nature of man is imprinted with fear and lies. .Forgiveness melts=>Like water on the wicked witch

Thursday, November 10, 2011

The "Mundane"

I am turning turning turning
like a coil
taste the salt in the air
the other taste- ignore

Looking for beauty
me with my little girl me
being coxed to heal
the cowgirl tomboy
hula hoop swamp girl
lucky they let me out to play

I am looking at the rebel me
always set
know it all strident
with a seagull laugh sometimes
diving in like an otter at play
can I be who I am instead of wounds and scars
confused little girl praying out-loud?

- frozen state -
blame, history , cellular memories
pointing the finger
restricting the heart
over there over there cut hack division
all buried under
in the place where it spits out my life
forgiveness is the balm the factor the promise

Monday, November 7, 2011


Always always always I have this feeling of guilt - like I have done something wrong- or bad- and people won't believe me. It is nonsense. I am sloppy yes but I do not hurt people intentionally or lie intentionally. though yesterday I said I had lived here twenty years when it has been thirty not thinking when I answered but then I thought they would think I was lieing and started spinning about that. I TALKED With Charlie Silverman from the prosecutor's office I wish Silverman was the prosecutor. He thinks that Forrest should have left when Kristian was bantering-as Forrest probably used inappropriate slang with Silverman and probably said that they were "talking shit" to each other. Silverman is not going to charge Jacob Hansen. So I need to talk to the kid. ...
but back to Science or Mind (and Spirit)
So first I claim there is one God which is a Unified Field and that Infinite Field Permeates Everything. God Moved and became aware of itself. Created a system of unlimited creation.
All things are made of God, who allows for everything. Goodness Love Intelligence are divine aspects. We choose our alignment with spirit. We co create with the all that is when we allign.
Unlimited choices at the same time binary in the moment. Fear or Love. I am connected to spirit. Love is my nature. I choose to forgive myself and melt the guilt that has haunted me all of my life. I am a child of God. I am protected by God and his companions, who serve him. Freedom is Gods Nature. Freedom is my nature. Joy is my nature. I allow anybody else's thoughts or energy that I have mistakenly absorbed go. I am free. I am good. I am forgiven.
All pf the mountains of energy that has bound me are being released now. I say move, Mountains. All doubt is removed from this time-frame and all time-frames of my existences of my individualized self. All lies are removed from my field. I am One with God.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Mental/.Emotional Tornados

the intensity of worry is mind boggling, like jealousy it swings rapidly out of control.

I've been reading the science of mind. Studying it. I have been going through a 'Transformational Coaching series and doing the Artist's Way with Katrien and Beth.and I feel more screwed up than ever. My emotions are torrents,and they leave a residue of ick, when they are on fire like they are today. I hope they are purging me of my wounds and programmed reactions.`

Let me attempt to mention the main precepts that Ernest Holmes writes about in the Science of Mind (and Spirit)

April twelvue twenty thirteen ten fifty eight am back from floods
I hate to say it but they are back. ... the scary ones, ruthless, insanely programmed...I try not to look to lock eyes to read plates its like me not looking at the sky... any how any who being of good cheer even after looking at since dutchlll that is why I writelll the tornadoes over Maryland station Mary land.... DC connection...always rail bridges come up when I look towards Maryland...
We can postulate three levels of interaction

: Conscious Mind- the great I Am. A proclamation . Then, our Subconscious or Subjective takes the order and molds the source and substance according to what our thoughts and emotions are emitting. The Subjective is the servant to source and we are emissaries for and to the Source..Connect to the Unity which breeds diversity as a sublime creative unity. All Humans are children of God. People reflect,.thats why we are so easily programmed. Holmes uses the term, 'race consciousness' where Jung would say 'collective consciousness'.

Fire on the Mountain

My laptop took a spill so I got my desktop somewhat fixed.

I've been trying to focus and study my thinking and my emotions.
I am going through an eight week coaching process
by having dialogue with the Somatic Self, the unconscious patterns that make up the recipe for my life. Having family members die suddenly has dented and warped my belief in this life.

I dropped Forrest off at Ian's around one fifteen pm November 4, Friday, and I haven't heard from him since. If I had not been a banshee after Forrest got punched and hospitalized with traumatic brain injury (the end of August) I would call the Sheriff's office. I haven't been sleeping much either nights, ?This pacing feeling in me. Like I am caged and something awful has happened. I keep having different male energy in my space, energy that I don't recognise, some is familiar.

Part of me soothes myself, by studying the Science of Mind, and trying to think healing thoughts so I can have healing energy and send it to him. Part of me thinks he's off Island, with friends and part of me thinks he's been kidnapped or is laying in a ditch somewhere or more likely arrested and games of withholding telephone calls. or some vivid and horrible worry.
With Mars conjunct my natal Pluto (Forrest is an Aries and so is Ceily) Uranus trine Uranus, Jupiter Trine Jupiter, and Neptune trine Neptune, I would expect it to be intense but I want it to be intense in a good way instead of being swept away by the potential for grief of the highest magnitude. , I am sure all will pan out and all is well but for now I am swept away with conflicting emotions.

Last week, I had a vivid dream of a fire raging like explosions coming at my house, down from a mountain at me, less than a block away, I could hear the helicopters and a roar of loudspeakers and I was on the deck saying to my Mom to Pray for us and that I was going to go hose off the decks.
Then on Wednesday night, the Owl standing in the middle of the road, the duck standing in the road of Friday ( a coot) and young bucks everywhere on the side of the roads. This is now my journal. Not going to go much further than my own life in it for now

Monday, October 17, 2011


Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Codex is coming.........

telling a tale
twists and turns
as I watch the floods rise and lap
"I thought there was a promise Lord?"

A promise of the awakening
a promise of freedom really free
Money is pretend more than our imaginations
Imaginations that have been tethered to lies.

they are trying hard to self destruct because they have no Love
bursting in their hearts. They are metallic and cold with rigid
rules they pulse at the lies they obey

A flim flam grab it all falling falling falling
their own cameras will get them have caught them undeniable corruption
and "oh remember codex says that vitamins are bad so get the word out boys"

Friday, October 7, 2011

studying Kidney Stones

I have been into herbs again.
A roadside weed, Queen Anne's Lace is good for disolving kidney stones- or we will soon see if it helps with Greg's kidney stones- either that or he gets his third lipotripsy (yuck) While researching herbs for kidney stones, I googled for cannibis root, and it is good for a liniment for bone pain.
A year of drug enforcement. We could do a lot with that money.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Interstate 5- heading south from Mount Vernon

My daughter just called " I almost died!" A big pick-up truck moved into her lane almost on top of her but she swerved and spun out on I five around nine pm tonight. She was heading to Olympia.

Am I supposed to get the description of the fn truck? I am now freaking out - again.

Do I warn my children or am I over the rainbow?

Rebellion (Lies) Lyrics

Send "Rebellion (Lies)" Ringtones to Cell

Sleeping is giving in,
no matter what the time is.
Sleeping is giving in,
so lift those heavy eyelids.

People say that you'll die
faster than without water.
But we know it's just a lie,
scare your son, scare your daughter.

People say that your dreams
are the only things that save ya.
Come on baby in our dreams,
we can live on misbehavior.

Every time you close your eyes
Lies, lies!
Every time you close your eyes
Lies, lies!
Every time you close your eyes
Lies, lies!
Every time you close your eyes
Lies, lies!
Every time you close your eyes
Every time you close your eyes
Every time you close your eyes
Every time you close your eyes

People try and hide the night
underneath the covers.
People try and hide the light
underneath the covers.

Come on hide your lovers underneath the covers
come on hide your lovers
underneath the covers.

Hidin' from your brothers
underneath the covers,
come on hide your lovers
underneath the covers.

People say that you'll die
faster than without water,
but we know it's just a lie,
scare your son, scare your daughter,
Scare your son, scare your daughter.
Scare your son, scare your daughter.

Now here's the sun, it's alright!
(Lies, lies!)
Now here's the moon, it's alright!
(Lies, lies!)
Now here's the sun, it's alright!
(Lies, lies!)
Now here's the moon it's alright
(Lies, lies!)

Every time you close your eyes
Lies, lies!
Every time you close your eyes
Lies, lies!
Every time you close your eyes
Lies, lies!
Every time you close your eyes
Lies, lies!

Every time you close your eyes

Every time you close your eyes

Every time you close your eyes

Lies, lies!

new discovery- this is the day

switched to this 2011 2 cap new moon Christmas eve

Friday, September 23, 2011

Arcade fire Wake up

Wake Up Lyrics
Artist(Band):The Arcade Fire

Somethin' filled up
my heart with nothin',
someone told me not to cry.

But now that I'm older,
my heart's colder,
and I can see that it's a lie.

Children wake up,
hold your mistake up,
before they turn the summer into dust.

If the children don't grow up,
our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.
We're just a million little gods causin' rain storms turnin' every good thing to

I guess we'll just have to adjust.

With my lightnin' bolts a glowin'
I can see where I am goin' to be
when the reaper he reaches and touches my hand.

With my lightnin' bolts a glowin'
I can see where I am goin’
With my lightnin' bolts a glowin'
I can see where I am, go-go, where I am

You'd better look out below

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Saturday, September 10, 2011

my biggest struggle is needing validation from others/
from the grocery store checker to my clients.
When I try to be loved, it stops the flow.
the free flow. when I am trying to get
people to approve of me, I contract because
I am not approving of myself.
I submit to the "like me - please?" game.

I am still confused about the worry that turns into
I need to control the other person, ie my kids.
this girl me right here is lit up on the worry mode. A breather today. nice. thanks
someone. the spa was slow. odd energy within my body. like lightning, in spits and pauses and fatigue. Denial of what i really feel. the heart., with a spark of ecstatic joy for a half of breath. yee haw coyboys yee haw. I wonder what I mean. It just wanted to come out. mcchala lions den = what are u doing in my space? I am water wave length i feel the ripples.
why do I write this? I wonder?
The sun is almost down
the dog barks. there is always a story with drama or as I prefer, a comedy.

Friday, September 9, 2011


someone tries to mess with the lives of others
thinken "its gonna be sooo e z"
Thinken its in the bag -"man".

that ole 'in God we trust' the bribe
God is in the money they say in the back of their cortex.
They know nothing about the truth of the matter
only other peoples thoughts going through their heads
only programming
and they think that China has got it bad. We are on the brink
of the old model of Empire. Hitler.s words have been studied and synthesized
the psychopaths rule the day. My two cues of that fact are chemtrails and paperless
voting machines.

I have never met a soldier that I didn't like.
and that is the truth. something about their hearts and their courage
puts them a level above, but still I want to whisper, don't break your heart's law, Do what is right and merciful. You will be protected.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011


I'll start a church of the Sacrament

the plant and animal kingdom are seen as sacred companions Creations co creators given to us by the I Am that I Am . All is sacred. Hemp is seen as the plant in Revelations that heals all the nations.

Trying not to look at the big picture

Hansen football player at Eastern Oregon

So, for me trying to ignore the big world and focus on my own energetics
has been like part of my energy is being smothered. Like a beach fire with sand and water thrown on top of it. Still hot deep down but don't know where to let the flame rise to.

My son, Forrest, still dizzy. gets nauseous when he moves his head. Under-sheriff
Zerby said that Deputy Gardner (who should have been taken off the case for screwing up the initial (when the kid punched Forrest) interview and for spreading (Mac's dispatch) rumors that Forrest had crashed on a bike (he had no scrapes and had an occipital fracture along with three breaks of his left orbital cavity) at the skate park) supposedly interviewed Hansen (the guy who punched Forrest) on Orcas Island a couple days ago. The Kid should have already been in Oregon because he goes to Western Oregon and plays football so I have to wonder who Gardner talked to? I can't help but classify Gardner as a liar- which pisses me off - big time. I hate that lying is the culture of law enforcement these days. Good golly- when I was a kid, we looked up to officers for their integrity.- Jacob Hansen admitted that he hit him but said it was because he felt threatened. The Prosecutors office has it now and is deciding what to do with it. Jacob Hansen had hit someone (LONDON) at the fair last year. I feel like I am constantly dodging trucks and U turn cars. I AM letting go of my fear which was lit and still is lingering in my left lower quadrant of my torso. I wake up with nightmares and want to sleep downstairs on the couch so I can hear if Forrest needs me. He put an end to that.

Chiron - the wounded healer is sparing with Jupiter in my chart.

Monday, September 5, 2011

aspen leaves -- turn with the wind

I realized how easy i am to manipulate because of my flash point.
So I got to learn fast
I dream of walking on a cliff of ice
with friends leading the way
I am safe.
My family is as safe as safe as anyone on this planet.
Its a race it would seem.
a game, with loaded dice... how to win? or can it be double or nothing?
I aint gonna play that game baby no I will not. Free will baby or did you forget the small print?

Saturday, September 3, 2011

feeling lighter than was

intense times times ten

Friday, September 2, 2011

back to 'the Wall'

trying to change my head - meaning my thinking- leads me to 'the Wall'
attempt at accident with me seems ridicules but it has happened before I started backing up and dweeb with the pick up races back behind me I ask why would they do that besides matriculation? These contractor / government hybrids (which I will hence forth call dweebs) can do anything they want to do. This guy - I followed- parked down from the library in the condo lot where Janine Lindie lives. I am pissed at this seeming attempt to trap me. since ,my anger feels so strong intuitionally I think I am right and not just being paranoid......

back to 'the Wal

Thursday, September 1, 2011

sometimes i salute the wrong people

one of the all times

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

the game is at the time where we are supposed to wake up.


Infinite or finite? The play is bigger than you thought- Huh?

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Officially Retired from trying to Save the World

It's like breaking an addiction. I keep wanting to check out Dutchsince to see where the next disaster is headed but instead I will study astrology and herbs and archetypal forces and where I need to clean up in my own life and the health of my family. the Sheriff's office never called so I assume they haven't made an arrest and I am thinking the kid, from Orcas has probably left for school. We need a lawyer. I am really angry at the delay because of Mac accusing Forrest of falling off a bike 'doing a face plant' at the skate park. I thought about it and he has no facial abrasions which is virtually impossible when you fall onto concrete.

I have officially come out on being 'paranoid' and am letting people know what I have been up to. My kids think I am crazy and I am working on not seeing the patterns that I see. Like last night when I was driving to Beth's a (grey green dusty out of state license- I think -though the plates had a white background and were dusty they looked a bit different from WA - it was dusk- the plate numbers were probably - APU 291- rectangle rear with three tail lights on like a triangle) van was coming down Gretchen way like a missile and I had to actually skid to a stop. I think it was accidental unless the driver wanted to kill his passenger. so I chalk it up to Pluto playing with me to drop my lack of trust in things working out for the highest good.....I still am praying for support. I feel lit up about all the deaths I have experienced in my life, esp my dad and brother. sometimes it even seems like Dad's death was a hit- (express lane gate was manually dropped on his car) . I have to drop that line of thinking completely. It is an addiction, One moment at a time corrective thinking and balancing my energy. The microcosm is yucky today. I am predominantly sad at this moment. I always know that my flashes of anger are initiated by sadness and feeling helpless.

Monday, August 29, 2011

information is all

some say Valerian helps induce sleep I am a double monkey.
Chinese and

Mayan Day Sign: BATZ - (CHUEN)

Mayan Keywords: Witty and demonstrative
Mayan Gemstone: Aventurine
Mayan Significance: Manifestation
English Name: Monkey
Famous Personalities: Ronald Reagan, Sean Connery

Mayan Day Number / Galactic Tone: 13
Realization is the keyword that best describes this birth number of Mayan astrology. Reaching your goal slowly but slowly and gradually is the nature of natives under this number. It is the energy of this very number which initiates you people to start off new things, accept challenges and go ahead in life. Being very pessimistic and positive in your outlook, you people will go on trying till you succeed in a particular task.

Mayan Day Sign: BATZ - (CHUEN)

Mayan Keywords: Witty and demonstrative
Mayan Gemstone: Aventurine
Mayan Significance: Manifestation
English Name: Monkey
Famous Personalities: Ronald Reagan, Sean Connery

The eleventh sign of Mayan astrology is the Monkey who signifies the west direction. They are the performers, actors or the dramatists. Social life is something which attracts these people and this often leads to quarrel in family life. They do value their intimate relationship but attending social parties and events, films and premiers are their first priority. Born under this sign you people want constant attention and recognition wherever you go. Mental stimulation is the best way to keep these people active. Monkey folks are basically intelligent, active, witty and are the jack of all trades. Their innocent curiosity often leads to the development of creative and artistic ideas. Concentration and attention is something which lacks most in these people. They do not enough patience to stick to a particular thing for a long time. Jumping over from one task to the other is one of the most distinguishing characteristic traits of the Monkeys.
tendency to jump around. space monkey. I am laughing and about to say ooh ooh eeh eeh. escape the fear factor with antics. the girl who went over center line and laughed had the same energy as the girl in the picture in bagdads abugabi torture center with her foot set on top of a human being and her thumb was up and I think she was winking. psychopaths ...or programming?... what ever--- there i go again. white van with fat diabetic handicap guy pulled glasses I have seen him around for ever. He rides a scooter in Market Place. Pissed me OFF/ out in front of me seemingly with intention. out of the guard hay site road across from school house road to a left in front of me .

Innocent curiosity.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

this song again


This song was rumbling in my brain when I woke up and has been here for a couple hours so I thought I would post it- again/

Saturday, August 27, 2011

face value

The Sheriff's Office stuff seems to be working things out. I was freaking yesterday because Forrest looked really bad the night before. He literally looked like a Zombie because his forehead was white like he put Halloween make up on and he was sweaty and irritable, especially having a mom who is practicably begging him not to die. My brother died a year and a half after my dad and I know a lot of families who lose members in batches. My fears were lit up.

I was really angry that the bike rumor seemed to have taken hold because a deputy told my daughter that 'Gardner was ninety percent sure that it was Forrest who crashed on a bike at the skate park>" Heidi had apparently heard wrong....I went into the Sheriff's office yelling for Mac to stop spreading lies (asking why Mac didn't offer the kid who fell off the bike- help? (Heidi's question plus the kid would have had scrapes? because that's what concrete does to skin.}-I was also demanding Gardner be taken off the case. I apologize for my tact. My nature tends to buck against authority. I have to learn to ease that tendency.

I think I will start using this blog to write archetypal forecasts and about herbs, healing and spirit. to hell with the psychopaths. literally.. It feels good to let go but my focus on the
psycho's is much an addiction that I have to consciously break. My Warrior nature needs another project.

Friday, August 26, 2011


Why I am paranoid:

the biggest reason that I feel like Forrest could have been targeted is because
I have been a mosquito to the power structure of Empire.For Instance- Once I called my congressman's office about the assassination of the crew (Captain John Frue and crew and the loading crew- 0oops did I say assassination? oh- I mean 'accidental deaths' ) of the
'lose nukes' I asked my congressman's office who I should call? they gave me the number to the Senate Arms Services Commitee. The Air-force Admiral stepped down a couple months later. More recently there seemed to be code being used straight up in the verification code of the whitehouse... It is documented in this blog along with the other places that I stick my nose into.
So, any how, the game, isn't as overt as when Bush was in the whitehouse but they are still there. Robert Gates retiring in San Juan County (bar code/ Vote here) seems pertinent to me too. Nothing has been done. Maybe Hitler was right when he said "Lucky for rulers that people don't think." Maybe its ok if they win? I am tired and grieving and don't want to look anymore.
Deputy Gardner dropping the ball and spreading lies does not help - (read this months past posts documenting the escalation of fear in my heart) My fight has always been for 'Truth and Justice and 'The American Way' '. That way that I was taught about that was the 'American Way' featured Mercy and Honor. I guess it was a myth. Peace

White Flag

I will stop trying to warn everyone about the world at large. OK? I hand the baton to the Universe. Others can deal with it. I am done. This is as long as Forrest and Heidi stay healthy. I, however, want the lies to stop in the Sheriff's office. That will be my focus.
one of the Deputies told my daughter that Deputy Gardner is "ninety percent sure" that he saw Forrest do a face plant off a bike at the skate park. Yes, Forrest goes to the skate park but its to visit his friends who skate and stuff. He never has participated. The strange thing is is at first it was Mac saying it. Now its Gardner? and as Heidi asked is why didn't a Sheriff's employee ask if the kid needed help? because It is a LIE! And so Sheriff Nou has his hands full -
I know this is more than surface corruption and they are going to attack my reputation or already have. Only a lot of people know me and my character and can tell a lie when 'the hand' feeds it to them.
San Juan County is a microcosm of the problems with the world at large. People in power using lies and secrecy to cover up truth. It is going to be hard to surrender because it is not my nature. I need help sorting this out. God? are you listening?

Thursday, August 25, 2011

forrest requested this added ro playlist

so tthere are ways to feel vulnerable and ways to feel safe. I pick the latter but my habits pick the first.

I've said my peace

forrest requested this on playlist

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

ron burgundy

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Oddity breath I say to me I am scared Now.

I hope this isn't a dead end street stopping at the dead hand.

When I was writing the Pluto Jupiter Uranus and Neptune lines I was pondering my chart.
which Hand the sun square on Pluto. My Pluto - the underworld thus my facination and ability to see it.- and Jupiter are conjunct on my rising...My Prison focused HOspitial Virgo recluse Virgo they all point to my personality, I didn't mention the sun and Mercury because they weren't in play the night I wrote it. If you look at two days ago you will see that todays Sun and Venus were conjuct My Pluto and Uranus Is Trine with Uranus - evolution with gusty expectations. and Neptune is trine Neptune in and out because of retrograde. I was in a predicament. I am in one ...
Why did Jeff Asher allow a witness who is Kristian's cousin and looks like him and is a witness who hadn't written his statement up was allowed in back. while forrest was giving his statement. ??? strange. I am starting to believe myself. so if I am creating all this I got to switch the fear switch off.

It is training camp with live wires.

Monday, August 22, 2011

My Son

He lies sleeping on the couch.
My head hurts too because I haven't cried
I had to put everything on mute so I could maintain and I still have my hand over the emotions that are trying to come up.
the night I wrote the post below
Forrest was at the fair.
He was walking with Christian and two Orcas Tylers started
giving Christian 'shit'. back and forth they go. Intervention is needed to prevent it from escalating because angry boys need help processing their fire. "Sucker Punched" and they slit and ran in different directions Christian tackled liedecker and kept him down. but some oblivious deputy (no offense) but really he says that the witnesses said he got punched in the stomach. Forrest supposedly said he was hit in the stumach but doesn't remember any thing after putting his arm between them. In reality I think there is a feud a stupid feud started if some fancy love isn't inserted into this mess. In the bigger picture but as for me I want the kid to know he did major harm and will not do it again. 'go and sin no more' is what I want to feel. Did he check Tyler Liedecker's Hand? Is something fishy?
At seven in the morning Jack knocks I think its about my mom. (much like with Brian I was worried about Glenn.)
My son went to the hospital, the Harborview's ICU In Seattle in between 7 hours -Sun River to Seattle. Me with my undercurrent of protective for my own life
The calls came in and I hesitated to understand. I almost called the 317- number back but didn't want to. He had had seizures and Jenny saved him because she was there. Thank god she was there and found her way to a paramedics house that she didn't know. She pulled into the driveway because her cell didn't work and he was there and got Forrest help. Thank you thank you thank you. thank you. He will be fine. the hospital was great. Thank you thank you. beautiful views

Saturday, August 20, 2011


Are our enemies actually our greatest of allies, stretching us,
making us gather our force which lies dormant
until called upon to emerge?
When you have someone like me. Who could lounge around all day
the edge comes in. (you know the edge?) Like a blade. Cutting through the stagnant energy.

I have Pluto, sitting on my shoulder always. A brother Of the other shoulder Jupiter. They don't always get along. Neptune the baby, cherished and loved by all. Waits patiently. Uranus returns and is the prodigal son . The symbols. . .
This is the archetypal energy of the times within me. The beginning,the story told, the end, the beginning again. The thrill of not knowing that we actually could cry out 'cut'. And move into another square. And me, I am like I am stuck in a Jellied membrane. A Crystalline matrix- I remember it called- but I am still upside down and inside out within it. Memories of the flood like the blade, aim for our heart , because we never allowed ourselves to digest the pain, only to mask it, message never received. So now a reenactment. A second chance. Only most don't know that the story has begun already. Figuring it out fast is our task.........

jon reminds me of an IDEA

i got this isea when I was giving someone a massage. Since Corporations are considered people, If the neglegently kill people they should be tried for homoside. and if they know that someone is likely to get killed ie massey coal, they get arrested assists siezed and tried for murder.

Friday, August 19, 2011


“infinite love and gratitude' I am ok that there is a reactive part of me. \\

who took off in the jets at the same time I was writing this? two jets took off from the Sun River Airport.

Protection please. Now. Please

“infinite love and gratitude' I am ok that there is a reactive part of me. \\

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Ava Maria



My mom shushed me one to many times and I make a seen by getting up to rush out. surprised myself as I headed for the door. Surprised everyone. I sat back down and apologized and Kathy told me I never was right because I insisted mt bachelor was over there and the club house for golf was over there. North to me. these guys have been coming here for practically ever and a new comer says over there. who do you think was right? most likely them but I have to wait until morning to know for sure. I didn't spew. I almost did but stopped myself, plus my mom shushed me (wisely I am sure).

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

switching directions

flipping the switch
I watched Thomas Myer's talk about embryonic (on Anatomy Trains DVD) development of the cells and how at forteen days they differentiate into three different directions of systems but they are also all infused with this web that goes through all parts of the body. It translated well to the whole planet and then the whole Universe. The lays of the energetic circuits that are connected and work in harmony. He talked about the development of two different tubes. the mouth to Anus and the spinal column /brain and I would add that they don't end in the dura mater but energetically goes up to the center 9 if we choose and ground to the center of Earth.

should I freak everyone out with information?

I am constantly having always to edit my thoughts, I mean , thou shalt not spew all of my unhatched thoughts that most people won't understand. So I am making myself be quiet a little. I don't start talking about HAARP or Weather Modification crap. I even didn't bring up sink holes. I think I would have to share more trust but on a somewhat veiled ( i find myself scarred to use the 'A' word because of its new implications I do it on this blog for Historic record and because people probably won't look. and if they don't understand, then so? NObody ever does totally understand what I say when I spew especially when it is charged with shrill raw emotion.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Surveillance Economy

There is a booming part of our economy: The Surveillance Economy where people from all walks of life are recruited. Some paid, others are volunteers until they can get paid. Is this the kind of state we wish to live in? Absolutely no privacy? The type of people have a glitch in their personalities that allow them to be spies and think that it is ok. the big girl today, I know, knows she is doing something against her spirit. Our spirit craves freedom. the little self craves control.

But people are still stuck in the little self mode. Hypnotized good little boys and girls, doing their duty, shitting on our constitution.

"thou shall not bare false witness" - which means to me don't lie. How much lying is going on? How much do the sneak and peak legion steal and plant? Not good not fun.

but I want to have fun today and let the country go where people want it to go and if that means they won't wake up until they have nothing, because the corporations have moved on to having the USA be the police and slave country. A lovely vision of making the planet hellish for all. I know most people would say no, but we are constantly being programmed and mislead and until you learn about your own sovereignty you will be a cow being led to slaughter. Energetically we are all sons and daughters of the creator. This is a beautiful truth. We can change in a 'twinkle of the eye"

Monday, August 15, 2011

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Dutchsinse is gone- his blog hacked -it would seem by

adding this August 18, 2011- Dutch is back. He took out the videos about his 'friend' being shot five times. He kept in the despair . com stuff. I still am eating up his information but I don't trust him at this time. I think he has career goals that sometimes out-way the truth and facts. but I do believe in freedom of speech and the free flow of information. He has never updated us on his friend "Max" and his announcements about Max being shot always had a false ring to his voice so I don't know what to think at this time- I just know that I have questions about him. A lot of things were dropped on his youtube site the day I wrote the title above , he entered the posters, though, which leads me to conclude that is he is doing the candy candy candy trap. I think he is planning on charging for his blog soon from what he has recently posted. I still think he is right about many things and thank him for posting.

so now has he disappeared? is it real? Has it started? Jeeze. holy crap. they are coming to get me too, I can only assume. sorry, I stand for freedom not crapdom or helldom or myths that have no meaning. I stand for the whole. Unity , diversity, life. You are about death, delusion, destruction, captured and trained, you do not see your chains.

#Google search : what happend to dutchsinse August 14, 2011
| "Wounds my heart , with a monotonous languor" …..sɹnoʎ puɐ n oʇ ... - Cached
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ALERT!!! My good friend SHOT FIVE TIMES with an AK-47 this morning. Posted on August 14, 2011 by dutchsinse ...
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Posted on August 14, 2011 by dutchsinse. here we are at halloween: here is ...
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download the customized version of earthquake 3D.. - Dutch Sinse ... - Cached
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1 day ago – Almost unheard of, except for one that happened recently that ...
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Sunday, August 14, 2011 ... Dutchsinse was suggesting that things were starting to happen to him and he was worried. What exactly is it that the elites want ...
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Dutchsinse Forecst: MOVING scalar square near Houston, TX / HAARP rings over OKC and Kansas City Sunday, Aug 14 2011. HAARP Forecast Dutchsinse Forecst: ...
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Dutchsinse Best friend Shot 5X with AK-47!! Dutch now in secure location Saturday, Aug 13 2011

Dutchsinse and Secret Shadow Government Dutchsinse Best friend Shot 5X with AK-47!! Dutch now in secure location ascendingstarseed 11:40 pm

It’s still early to jump to conclusions and thankfully they didn’t appear to be aiming for vital body parts, which really sounds like a warning – for who? Unbelievable…IF this isn’t a random shooting and was aimed at sending Dutch a message, are we really living in a world that sinister?

Have to hand it to him, Dutch’s attitude at the end of the video is commendable and one we should all strive for. After all, it’s the energetic state we maintain that ultimately determines the outcome, lets all send our unconditional love and forgiveness to the perps…as well as Max!

Uploaded by dutchsinse on Aug 13, 2011

Just the facts: 2 armed men, IN A BLACK HUMMER w/ AK-47′s, forced their way in at 615am .. in daylight, shot him (while asleep or getting out of bed) , and didn’t take ANYTHING!! Drove away, seen by police on the highway, ended up chasing the Humvee until crash under the viaducts here in St. Louis, MO.

Two men fled on foot… police came back with a K-9 .. and turned up someone.. we don’t know the facts yet if this is indeed one of the two people who committed the crime..

The victim of this shooting, Max, is in critical condition at a local St. Louis hospital… 5 entry wounds and 4 exit wounds from an assault rifle AK-47 type… he received multiple shots to his arms, and legs… but will live through this!!

here is my friend Max’s youtube page.. make sure to subscribe and send a message of support !!!

Just a correction, the news story is not accurate.. again, the men forced their way in, they were not just “allowed in”…. the came to the back door on his roommate getting ready for work……


A man was shot multiple times in the arms and legs Saturday morning in the 3600 block of Montana in South St. Louis. The 25 year old is in critical but stable condition and he is expected to survive.

Around 6:20am, the victim was inside his home sleeping. Another person living at the house was outside when two suspects asked if they could go inside the house. They were apparently allowed inside. When the two suspects found the man, they began shooting. The victim was able to run from the house, but collapsed on the porch.

The suspects took off in a Humvee. Police spotted the vehicle and chased it down I-55 until it crashed at near the viaducts. That’s when the suspects got out and ran. A canine unit was able to track down one suspect, a 29 year old man, who was hiding in some brush. Police continue to search for the second suspect who got away.”

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Sunday, August 14, 2011 ... Uploaded by dutchsinse on Aug 13, 2011. This is one of my good friends who .... It Not Only Could Happen, It is Going to Happen. ...

Project Avalon is covering it:
Re: Dutchsinse's friend shot 5x with AK-47, 2 Men Sped Away in Black Hummer

This is sad. He's definitely hit a nerve somewhere, that's for sure.
TPTW want to shut him up desperately.... I appreciate his courage in getting the truth out there, since no media is willing to report it....
Thanks Mandala...

Re: Dutchsinse's friend shot 5x with AK-47, 2 Men Sped Away in Black Hummer

Quote Originally Posted by Koyaanisqatsi View Post
Damn i hope he picks up a good SigSaur and a compact 7.62 x 39 rifle quick, just in case. He may be an enemy to some very powerful people now.
They want you to pick up a gun. Then they really throw some 'soldiers' at you. They can send them 1 by one, a thousand times over. So if they get you to break and start shooting it out, it only costs them a few soldiers that they don't care about.

Exactly like this pair of paid goons.

They just send more.... until you make a nice paranoid news story about some maniac with a gun.

It's a tough corner to be in.

And yes, that is the point. Go after friends, pets, jobs, careers, reputations, and in the last cases hard case level... family and then finally the individual themselves. In just about that order.

If they are in a hurry, they send someone in a big truck who slams you at an intersection, they get you in the hospital, get you a blood clot or two, job done. The guy hitting you with the truck is a fellow freemason - as is the cop on the scene.

project avolon forum august 14, 2011

'Regrettably' in the GOOGLE search (?)

--What do I know?
I know that the voice of worry is constant in my physical self, my ego. Forrest didn't call likely to teach me how treacherous the voice of a worried mother can be. Screaming for my young to call me.
Screeching when the call came twice at 1:30 this morning when I was watching the video of /dutchsince saying that his friend was shot (see post below). with the second one a faint 'Mom?' in the background. Blocked number. I am freaked out of my body , out of my grounding , I can't even imagine but I do, imagine, vividly. And then I want to kill who ever would take him from this world.

That's my wee little self. Some other part of me knows he is fine. Actually, I can't tune into him. But that could be him hiding so I 'll learn my fn lessons, when I don't want to! I cherish my worry and hold it to my chest. So I need to breath. I need to ground. I need to tune into my heart, my body is on adrenaline doesn't help, caused by worry. I love me, I love Forrest. I love Heidi, My mom this world, I want to stay here most of the time. The battle with freewill. Thoughts. Imagination I know is the key. Heart is the key. Forrest has a divine path that he is on. I don't need to be caught up in the lie.

Eat it- you psychopaths

Dutchsince says that his friend Max got shot five times. A warning? They would have killed him if it hadn't have been aimed to scare all of us. they can kill us in so many ways that don't show up. Chilling. But this is what we are up against and only God can be our shield. So my middle finger' is my flag today.

Saturday, August 13, 2011


People- especially people who work for the spy industrial complex:
Bicycle boy. gray beard, sweet disguise, you are apart of a dark cloud over our nation.
The surveillance system is beyond Nazi Germany beyond Russia...and the plan to keep us down and enslaved includes you and you will be betrayed because you betray our nation. I am deemed a terrorist? because I am a baby mystic. Mysticism has been outlawed since they took out Christ. We (including you) all were brutalized as children when it came to our intuition. We are still being brutalized. You who know that data of the plan and do nothing about HAARP type receivers and arrays will be wholly responsible for the impending demise of the fault lines and our atmosphere. So wake up , there are plans within plans and you are a integral part of the plan. You have a choice. Evil with a protective smiling mask, or the greater good for all. Spies are slimy. You know this.


Thursday, August 11, 2011


He stood by the pool. His Margerita was halfway to his lips. He started to laugh. He had been fighting her for so long he forgot that he could be wrong. She in his face challenged him, like she was mooning him the old fashion way. She said, "Prove me wrong, you bastard." He tried. He couldn't do it. He gulped his drink without a breath and dove into the pool. He hadn't swam yet this year. It felt good. His shoulder was loose.

You still don't see it?

My opinion of the Masonic Order is that it holds esoteric truths. It was taken over by the ones who want ultimate control. In and of itself, the masons can wield a sword of truth and Justice but it must remove the Demonic force that has risen and over sees the higher levels and has no Love. No Love for you or anyone. It uses people. that's all. Its a little shrinking , shriveling mass of blood and guts and putrid smell and is removed from our realm. Now and forever.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

the Passing

20-yr-old drowned in Lawsons Pond on SJI

Landis Pederson, 20, drowned in Lawsons Pond on West Valley Road on San Juan Island Monday evening, August 8. He was swimming with about six other people Monday evening. When the others, who had been in inner tubes, got out of the water, he was missing.

San Juan County Search and Rescue, EMTs,and deputies searched the rugged woods surrounding the lake. The county dive team started a search of the water, but called it off because of darkness. The lake is full of downed trees making it dangerous to navigate. The Red Cross provided support.

Tuesday morning, Whatcom County Search and Rescue search dogs, which are capable of pinpointing the location of bodies in water by scent, arrived. The county dive team retrieved the young man's body from the pond.

He was found yesterday morning. At twenty his age is between my two kids. My son was swimming him and a group of friends before it happened. Landis was having fun Forrest said. Landis was saying that he was a lifeguard and wanting to race people across the pond. the pond has snags and island rock jetting in unexpected places/ he probably dove and hit his head or dove into a snag and no one noticed when it happened, Forrest said that they were not drinking. which is the first assumption.
My son is influenced by Mars. Tense and angry more than showing grief - yet. My grief from the loss of my brother when he was eleven and a half I had just turned thirteen is here, like an anchor that I've been pulling around all of my life. The heaviness of loss , undigested- loss feels like a vortex of density so I wrote this to myself and for anyone feeling overwhelmed. The planet is intense and going to get
more and more under pressure. at least that is how I am feeling it.

Light warriors guide
first. Number one. You are the energetic control where-ever you go.
Two: you are an expression of light, of matter, of information. YOU were made in the image and likeness of God.

Three: Death is an energetic exchange at times. The Illuminati have used this exchange. Sacrifice has been a means of exchange for the ages of man. Jesus came to bring an overlighting energy of love and forgiveness. A death that is stolen, leaves a heavy hole of density. All have the power to stand at their death, knowing who they are.

Death is both happy and sad. The being is free from the forces that have chained the soul to slavery of being human without luminosity. With love people do not commit murder.
We are all luminous, to often, the light has turned in on itself. Not seeing the vast choices because it looks at what is not vibrant. For the people left without their loved one can experience it feeling l like fabric ripped away from itself. A void. an emptiness, a wounding. Light is a balm, information for healing.
We have been taught to mask our woundings. We have heen taught to hide our pain from ourselves. Using incredible energy covering things up.

The planet is alive and supports us. We are its companions. Cruelty stems from severing the relationship to the whole. Divide and conquer is the old way. Many are captured still by this division.

The three things to remember to stand in the power that you are:

ground to the center of the Earth
and the center of the Galaxy

Unify within your own being to allow the comprehension of the whole , unity and love.

We all have our gifts for the world. Alignment to spirit the gifts bloom in a beautiful field.

We are the scouts= bushwacking through thorns like spikes. We have to reach for beyond what our senses say. Our senses are a narrow band. The checkerboard of change is beyond our beliefs. it is vibration all the way.
The force be with you......

How will it be stopped? I wonder

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

chopping out our crops. intentionally

I haven't listened to the audio yet. but I see it here. they are playing with unknown balances. They are into separating instead of uniting. Uniting they would know better.

This is the day: Hunker down - theybe blasting us- divide and conquer

This is the day: Hunker down - theybe blasting us- divide and conquer

Monday, August 8, 2011

metalic haze

to me the metallic haze days are the most threatening, like impending doom and I don't see why you'all can't see and smell and taste it. I cry for the insects and the illnesses that are being created out of this utter and pure corruption of the scientific community. The Nazi's still rule science and now for sure our government and the corporate mime of 'kill'em off capitalism' or 'the dead hand' is being played out and we are deadende we are programmed but it is now the time to know your responsibilities are to create in your mind the future, freewill, using your gifts to the highest order. this means the ability to remove those who do not play by the newly enforceable rules, the energy that blocks freewill , shall be removed from the realm of the new world and shall stay in the old which will be deemed hell.. It is about spiral, it is about light, it is about frequencies. and 'the Dead Hand' wants control of all that and more its time has past, it has been removed. Now it will be cleaning up the residuals. Meta 101 Here is how. find the symbol of the one that will not leave your space after you have grounded and asked it to leave. You wait and inform it that if it doesn't leave that you have the authority to remove it from this realm of freewill. If it doesn't leave you might have an energy that is attracting it and holding it to you, look for that picture , let go of it. you are not a victim, your energy is magnetic so let go of pictures that may attract the energy, forgive and if it still won't leave. find its symbol and copy it like a xerox flipping one after another atop the original, matching its energy smack on the symbol. if you stay grounded you have the authority to cast out demons. You have a body. They don't. You have freewill. theirs is forfeit when they violate the freewill oath.
he/she who reads this and understands deserves a reward
added at 4:11 pm 16:11 pacific

Illuminati Card Game(330 cards) 1/2 Dark Stars by ricintoxin81


Anonymous: I went to some of the videos on anonymous out of curiosity. Some of the videos had to much background rattle for my comfort but I like the concept of- we are all here doing our best following what we know is right. I just chose not to be Anonymous, I am like a sentinel node. Cloudthunder, I will remain. but I support the whole and anonymous does to. I don't know anything about Scientology and don't care to. Other forces of calamity, however, I do have a magnet on. Anonymous has no leaders. No agenda and is not responsible for its members. In fact one could say, we are all Anonymous. I do think making masks would be fun. I am working the ARTIST'S WAY by Julia Cameron and am wanting to do some fifth dimensional art.

We are not slaves.
we have one master and that is Love.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Hastack Diasectting Plasma 'to study'?

Maybe I misunderstood. How could scientists really believe that this is safe:

they have no idea the long term effect of isolating plasma modules. I think, feel, know, that 'they' are planning the demise of life as we know it here on earth. Most people look away or chew their nails.
I would trust Obama if he would let justice be done instead of punishing those seaking to expose the truth. Rumsfeld ask
Rumsfeld about the 2 Trillion lost in the Pentagon that he was alerting us of on 911 is that where some of the money went to stage 'terrorism'? HMM? Rummy should be spoken to - if he has a brain still. .

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Friday, August 5, 2011

Weather Modification / much more than HAARP

i try to get the things i dont want over and past me. I don't know who wrote that. My son had this computer and must have written it I don't remember writing it. but I like it.

My grounding was up around my ears most of the day. I am lucky that I didn't float on away.

the boys will always play with their toys. I couldn't watch the end. The Dolphin's sacrifice breaks my heart.