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Tuesday, December 16, 2014


Question of the day #3 – How do I know my intentions? Clue: beats me?

Captain Beefheart Upon my MY OH MY

Part of the reason why I am a bad speller
A terrible speller
A dumb, stupid, girl
Is that I am supposed to not even try to be perfect instead, to be, somehow – someday- be all the way in to this game of who I am.
As I swerve towards my creativity, I feel the glimpse of buoyant effervescence
No, it’s not a happy face plastered on for someone else, instead, I feel that feeling of this is who I am. Like when God saw the new creation and said that it was good. A Norwegian astrologer Sol Jonnason said
that the Leo influence thinks its blaspheme not be who you were given to be. She agreed, I think she is right.

In our culture, we are not supposed to be our big selves- oh no; Stand in line, sit down, shut up, don’t laugh and don’t smile because they will think you’re high or worse, crazy. Here take this pill and you will never be accused of being high.
There have been suicides in my peripheral, I hadn't seen or talked to either of them in a couple years. So, I am thinking about the lost, amazing potentialities that were in both of them. They must have felt overwhelmed by life. Both wounded and sensitive. One an amazing intuitive. Then I get to, do I ever accept a suicide? The answer is no, probably because it is beyond my comprehension.

I know how easy it is to hide what’s in front of my eyes. An illness-Once, I saw an xray of a ghost like pelvis and forgot my horror, the next moment. How dire that image was. I forgot it in next moment probably because I wouldn’t have been able to face him if I had remembered the image that I saw.
John Trudell Mining Minds
Denial: a human double edge sword.
We are trained to be zombies to our own self.