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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Officially Retired from trying to Save the World


It's like breaking an addiction. I keep wanting to check out Dutchsince to see where the next disaster is headed but instead I will study astrology and herbs and archetypal forces and where I need to clean up in my own life and the health of my family. the Sheriff's office never called so I assume they haven't made an arrest and I am thinking the kid, from Orcas has probably left for school. We need a lawyer. I am really angry at the delay because of Mac accusing Forrest of falling off a bike 'doing a face plant' at the skate park. I thought about it and he has no facial abrasions which is virtually impossible when you fall onto concrete.

I have officially come out on being 'paranoid' and am letting people know what I have been up to. My kids think I am crazy and I am working on not seeing the patterns that I see. Like last night when I was driving to Beth's a (grey green dusty out of state license- I think -though the plates had a white background and were dusty they looked a bit different from WA - it was dusk- the plate numbers were probably - APU 291- rectangle rear with three tail lights on like a triangle) van was coming down Gretchen way like a missile and I had to actually skid to a stop. I think it was accidental unless the driver wanted to kill his passenger. so I chalk it up to Pluto playing with me to drop my lack of trust in things working out for the highest good.....I still am praying for support. I feel lit up about all the deaths I have experienced in my life, esp my dad and brother. sometimes it even seems like Dad's death was a hit- (express lane gate was manually dropped on his car) . I have to drop that line of thinking completely. It is an addiction, One moment at a time corrective thinking and balancing my energy. The microcosm is yucky today. I am predominantly sad at this moment. I always know that my flashes of anger are initiated by sadness and feeling helpless.