--What do I know?
I know that the voice of worry is constant in my physical self, my ego. Forrest didn't call likely to teach me how treacherous the voice of a worried mother can be. Screaming for my young to call me.
Screeching when the call came twice at 1:30 this morning when I was watching the video of /dutchsince saying that his friend was shot (see post below). with the second one a faint 'Mom?' in the background. Blocked number. I am freaked out of my body , out of my grounding , I can't even imagine but I do, imagine, vividly. And then I want to kill who ever would take him from this world.
That's my wee little self. Some other part of me knows he is fine. Actually, I can't tune into him. But that could be him hiding so I 'll learn my fn lessons, when I don't want to! I cherish my worry and hold it to my chest. So I need to breath. I need to ground. I need to tune into my heart, my body is on adrenaline doesn't help, caused by worry. I love me, I love Forrest. I love Heidi, My mom this world, I want to stay here most of the time. The battle with freewill. Thoughts. Imagination I know is the key. Heart is the key. Forrest has a divine path that he is on. I don't need to be caught up in the lie.
